Curiosity and Guilt

From The Wife:

So the hubby filled you all in on my flirting rendezvous with the first date I had since him. 

After my VERY nerve racking yet pleasant first encounter we both thought I should be more comfortable with the next encounter.  So the hubby found a couple of people on the site for me to ponder over and I kept going back to one.  The hubby set it up where we would email each other.  The first couple emails were very tame, just getting to know each other but then they started getting hot.  He told me what he wanted to do to me and as much as it made me blush, it also made me wet.  After our initial getting to know each other through emails, we decided we'd like to meet so with the hubby's permission, I gave him my number to text me.  We flirted in our texts and finalized a "date."

Can I tell you how weird it is to get ready to go to work and try and look attractive for a date with someone that's not your husband?!  I hadn't been on a date in over 15 years at that point.  As much as I was excited to meet the man that was so flirty with me, I was extremely nervous again.  We did it this way so I wouldn't be so stressed and here I was freaked out anyway.  BUT at the same time, I really was curious what it would be like.

So once 5:30 hit, I drove to where we were meeting and I got there first.  He was running late so I ordered a drink and talked myself to stay right where I was instead of running.  I knew who he was when he walked into where we were meeting and I blushed 10 shades of red when he introduced himself to me. 

My first thoughts while we were introducing ourselves was how attractive he was.  I liked his quiet deep voice and also that he was funny, trying to make me more comfortable.  We talked for a long time about random things like music, sports, work...then he leaned in and whispered in my ear.  "So, what made you decide you wanted to try swinging?"  Uhhh...I don't know.  So I said that both the hubby and I were curious what it would be like.  Simple as that...CURIOUSITY.

After about two hours of getting to know each other, I decided to go to the bathroom and never once thought to look at my phone.  Oops...a few missed calls and a lot of texts from the hubby.  When I returned the man I met said he got a text from the hubby and said we were getting along fine and that he would like to meet the hubby as well. 

So off we went to our house.  When we arrived the hubby was practically at the car door.  I could tell he was nervous and also a little upset with me for not contacting him to let him know I was okay.  He was totally right on it all.  I should have let him know I was okay.  I honestly didn't think to since we were in a public place.  I will never do that to him again.

So we all went into the house and had a couple of drinks and the guys got to know each other.  It was weird sitting there with my husband who I love and the guy I just got to know a little and who I found VERY attractive.  If the hubby had not suggested us going to get to know each other even better, I'm not sure how long we would have sat there and talked.

I thought I'd be really weirded out kissing another man, but once he started kissing me my nerves were gone and I just enjoyed myself.  The hubby pulled my top down and started kissing my boobs and the other guy asked if he could touch and kiss too...umm hell yeah! 

We made out for a long time and I loved every second of it.  Nothing else happened.  Which is exactly what I wanted.  At least that is what I thought.  Things were running through my head of things I wanted to do to him, especially with the hubby touching my pussy and kissing my legs while another man was kissing me so passionately on my mouth, neck and boobs.  I wanted to know what it would be like to suck him.  I wasn't thinking actual sex.  I just wanted to know what it would be like to go down on each other.

But that didn't happen.  He left and the hubby and I went to bed and had wild awesome sex.  The next day though, I felt so guilty.  Guilty for all the things I wished had happened and didn't.  I felt like a horrible wife.  And to make matters worse, the hubby was asking me all these questions.  I was stressed and this encounter was suppose to be stress free and fun.  It had nothing to do with the guy and everything to do with me and the hubby. 

So what do we do now?

going a little further

From the hubby,

After the last expereince we decided to take just a little break.  I didn't want to overwhelm her so I didn't push having our next experience right away.  After awhile however I began to feel the urge again. This time I wanted her to be more comfortable so I contacted someone from the swinger's site again, only this time I had her talk to him as well via emails.

Well the emails were very successful.  They really seemed to connect and before long they started texting each other. The emails and the texts were hot! They were flirtly and sexy, almost too sexy. I think I even started getting a little jealous after awhile.  It's a big shock to see your wife go from being a relunct participate to becoming willingly engaged.  After a week or two of communicating they decided to meet after work for drinks.  I suggested that they meet alone as I thought it would be more comfortable for her.  I also knew it would be fun for me. Waiting at home was intense, wondering about what they were doing and letting your imagination run wild can be intense! It also made me really nervous becuase she wasn't answering her texts, safety is important.

After they met for drinks they then came back to our house. I could tell that she was into him. The chemistry was hot! They really seemed to like each other.  After a couple of more drinks we decided to go to a private room in the house so that we could close the blinds and lock the doors. It didn't take long before we started making out. We took turns kissing her and each picked a breast to pay attention to by sucking and gentle caressing.  It was so hot to see her tits exposed to another man while we both played with them.  Everything was great except when I started to ask questions after he left.  When she told me how great of a kisser he was I admit that it did make me jealous. I guess that's part of the experience; learning how to deal with jealously and emotions. Regardless it was a great expereince.

our first "soft" encounter

From the hubby;

After years of discussing my fantasy I couldn't take it any longer.  Sure the stripper experience really helped ease the desire for a moment but after awhile I wanted more.  I wanted to see another man touching my wife and making her feel intense pleasure.  I knew that she wasn't ready for a full blown experience but perhaps she was ready for something a little more tame.

I decided to ask her about receiving an erotic massage from me and another man.  I had joined a swingers site and met a couple of really nice men on the site.  I spoke to a couple of them and decided to set it up.  Well just like my wife said she freaked out.  I mean she was a nervous wreck. I knew she was going to need some drinks to get through this first real encounter so I arranged getting a room that was connected to a bar.

So we got there early and decided to kill a little time at the bar, needless to say she got wasted. Then we hit a snag, the guy who was suppose to meet us had to work due to a really bad storm that caused flooding at his work.  Man, I was bummed and she was stressed.  I knew we came too far for nothing to happen, if something didn't happen I'm not sure if I could have convinced her to try again.  Then a miracle happen, one of the other guys I had contacted on the swinger's site was in the area and agreed to come by.

Well like my wife said she was nervous, really nervous. Luckily the guy was really nice and patient.  We talked for awhile to help get her comfortable. Then to my thrill we massaged her, we massaged her as she layed there nude, her big beautiful tits exposed as well as her shaved little pussy. It was incredible. They even kissed, wow I can't explain how hot it was to watch my pale skin blonde wife kiss this dark skin body builder. The best part is, she liked it. She even said it while they were kissing. Sure she was drunk but it I still find it endearing that she said "that was good" after they kissed. I have to admit I was nervous about how she would react the next day, I didn't want her to have any regrets. To my pleasant surprise she didn't have any regrets at all.

toe in the water

From the Wife;

So...all the husband asked for for his birthday was for him and another man to give me an erotic massage.  Simple, right?  Ummm....no!  As much as he wanted this and as much as we talked about this day, I was a complete and utter bitch.  I was so uncomfortable and NOT wanting this to happen.  But being the wonderful sweet wife I am, I conceded and let it happen.

It was a rainy night.  No...a record breaking flooding night.  My husband checked us into a hotel that had a restaurant attached and I drank.  I DRANK.  I was so nervous, pissed, excited that you wouldn't believe.  And low and behold...the person he asked to meet us didn't show up because there was a major flood where he worked.  TOTALLY understandable.  But I was a nervous wreck to begin with, can you imagine what I was feeling like now...my first time?  Well, my husband being the horny and resourceful person he is, had a standby.

The standby, can I tell you how HOT he was?  Well, I was naked when he arrived BUT I was wrapped in a sheet because I was totally freaked out.

When he arrived, he sat in a chair and talked to us, to me so normally.  He was wonderful in how he made me more at ease.  BUT since it was my first "experience" I was shaking the entire time he was there.  I mean the ENTIRE time!  He joined us on the bed and they pulled the sheet down and my husband and our first experience started massaging me up my legs, my arms, my neck.  Sounds erotic, yes?  It was, BUT it was so nerve racking!!!  It has nothing to do with the wonderful men I was with and everything to do with me.  I didn't know what I was thinking.  I was sleepy and buzzed and freaking nervous!

The other man was wonderful and sweet.  I liked him very much.  He kissed me and since I was with my husband, he was the first man I have kissed.  I really liked it.  I liked him caressing me.   But there was NO way I was ready for the next step.  He didn't even take off his clothes.

Can I tell you that he was WONDERFUL?! As nervous as I was in the moment I had no regrets the next day.

My Hero is a Stripper

From the Husband,
My wife did a pretty good job recounting our first fun experience.  I have to give her credit for remembering as much as she did considering how drunk she got. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with her drinking, especially to calm her nerves.

I still remember how nervous she was entering the club.  I think she nearly broke one of my fingers the way she was gripping my hand.  I have to admit I didn't take her to the classy club, my wife was actually the only female there beside the strippers. Seedy as it was it was worth it.

The first part of the night was fairly tame, us just seating there enjoying the show as we drank. Eventually my wife did work up the nerve to tip one of the girls.  The look on my wife's face was priceless as the girl have her a little show on stage. For a moment I thought she was going to run away screaming but she didn't.

As the night progress we finally met a stripper that my wife clicked with.  You could tell she had been stripping for awhile as she looked just a couple on years older than most of the other girls. She was also way more aggressive but also funny.  She made my wife smile an put her at ease a little.

As we were leaving the one thing I had been praying for all night happened.  Our new stripper friend stopped us and convinced my wife to get a VIP dance in the back room. My wife tried to turn her down but she wasn't taking no for an anwser. In the back I say beside my wife as the stripper kissed her neck, face and lips. She then proceeded to take one of my wife's tits out of her bra and suck on her nipple. She even teased her by putting her face in my wife's lap, needless to say I was so turned on especially considering the bouncer was gettin a nice show with me. I could tell he had an erection from watching them.

It wasn't until after we left the club that I realized how drunk my wife really was.  She kept sayin how it was more fun than he thought it would be and how good it felt.  She said she would never admit this sober but their was something special with the way she kissed her, tenwaynshe moved her tongue. Thank god for stripper and strip clubs, especially the seedy ones.  I still have great memories of that night.  This wasnt the only time that we have played however ... As you shall see.

Compromise

The Wife:

I've learned after many years of marriage that the key to staying happy is compromise.  Honestly though, that is the hardest thing for me to do.  I have an unwavering sense purpose.  I always knew I was going to be a career woman, wife and mother.  Goals I set for myself.  I just didn't realize that once I go married that there was two people that would come into play with these goals.  If I don't want to do something, I just don't.  You can't make me.  This is what makes it so hard for me TO compromise.

The other key to a happy marriage is falling in love with your partner over and over again.  That, I have done.  I'm finding that no matter what comes up in our marriage that is difficult, I still like my husband and fall in love with him over and over again.  He is kind, caring and compassionate.  He never wants me to feel unloved or unworthy. 

Then why is it so hard to want to please him?  At times I feel like I can't do anything right when it comes to our sex life.  Other times I feel like a goddess.  He has mood swings when it comes to his kink(s) and I never know which lover I am going to get.  Don't get me wrong...he is always kinky.  But sometimes it takes a lot of fantasy, dirty talking and even porn to get him to where I think he is satisfied.  I know that if I compromised and did the real thing it would make him happy.  But is it okay to do something for him that I am not comfortable with?

This is what we are trying to figure out now.  What can I do that will still make me, well, ME?  Is there any kind of play that I am okay with? 

The answer to that question is kind of blurry to say the least.

We've had three experiences with play.  All soft, mind you, but it was enough to satisfy him at the times we participated.  The problem is that leading up to our experiences I stressed unbelievably before hand. 

Our first experience was just like sticking your toe in the water but for me it was like I jumped into the deep part of a 30 degree lake.  I simply think too much.  Worry to much.  I know this about myself but I can't help but DWELL the whole time leading up to it.

All my husband wanted was for me to go to a strip club with him.  Sounds simple, right?  Well, you know what was going on in my head?  I wondered what was I suppose to do while I was there?  Would I be asked to do something?  Would he want something more afterwards?  Would I be looked at funny?  My husband simply said "Stop worrying and just enjoy yourself!"  I was pissed at him the whole way there.  He bought a small bottle of Patron and I'm not kidding...I drank every drop of it.  STRAIGHT UP.  I felt fine the whole time and kept making trips to the ladies room and after a couple of trips started talking to a couple of strippers.  The ones I talked to were sweet girls and I realized that this wasn't so bad.  Well, towards the end of the night I was getting ready to go.  My husband was getting antsy wanting something "more" to happen.  He finally decided that I should have a private lap dance in the back room.  By the time I got back there I realized I was pissed ass drunk!  I remember most of it and honestly it was kind of fun.  I remember watching the bouncer watch us and how excited my husband was.  She was fascinated  with my boobs and that made me giggle.  (remember I was 3 sheets to the wind and I ALWAYS giggle when I'm drunk.)  She made these weird purring noises against my boobs and was feeling up my legs and she asked if she could kiss my tits.  I said "Sure, why not?"  It felt so different having a woman's mouth on my body instead of a man's.  So much softer and rather tender.  By the end of the dance she wanted to kiss me and I let her do that as well.  I was so toasted it kind of felt like I was floating above my body but honestly, I rather enjoyed the experience at the time.

My husband and I talked the whole way home and had HOT sex when we got there.  I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't believe what happened.  I honestly don't remember everything but my husband filled in the blanks for me.

All in all, the first experience was not horrible.  I had fun at the time.  This is the problem though.  I have the hardest time thinking about doing it again.

Compromise.

I have to keep remembering how important it is and get the stick out of my ass and remember that he isn't asking me to fuck everyone I meet.  I have the right to say yes or no. 

But I always wonder if I say no, what would happen?

And, that is the hardest part for me.

first sexual pictures

As you can tell from my wife's last post she was pretty upset when I told her.  Now overtime we did learn to communicate better, both of us. We will get into that later, in the meantime I figured you would all like to she some pictures she let me take of her.  These were taken months after I told her about my kinks, at the time she would not let me share them but she has changed so much since then...enjoy!