My Hero is a Stripper

From the Husband,
My wife did a pretty good job recounting our first fun experience.  I have to give her credit for remembering as much as she did considering how drunk she got. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with her drinking, especially to calm her nerves.

I still remember how nervous she was entering the club.  I think she nearly broke one of my fingers the way she was gripping my hand.  I have to admit I didn't take her to the classy club, my wife was actually the only female there beside the strippers. Seedy as it was it was worth it.

The first part of the night was fairly tame, us just seating there enjoying the show as we drank. Eventually my wife did work up the nerve to tip one of the girls.  The look on my wife's face was priceless as the girl have her a little show on stage. For a moment I thought she was going to run away screaming but she didn't.

As the night progress we finally met a stripper that my wife clicked with.  You could tell she had been stripping for awhile as she looked just a couple on years older than most of the other girls. She was also way more aggressive but also funny.  She made my wife smile an put her at ease a little.

As we were leaving the one thing I had been praying for all night happened.  Our new stripper friend stopped us and convinced my wife to get a VIP dance in the back room. My wife tried to turn her down but she wasn't taking no for an anwser. In the back I say beside my wife as the stripper kissed her neck, face and lips. She then proceeded to take one of my wife's tits out of her bra and suck on her nipple. She even teased her by putting her face in my wife's lap, needless to say I was so turned on especially considering the bouncer was gettin a nice show with me. I could tell he had an erection from watching them.

It wasn't until after we left the club that I realized how drunk my wife really was.  She kept sayin how it was more fun than he thought it would be and how good it felt.  She said she would never admit this sober but their was something special with the way she kissed her, tenwaynshe moved her tongue. Thank god for stripper and strip clubs, especially the seedy ones.  I still have great memories of that night.  This wasnt the only time that we have played however ... As you shall see.

Compromise

The Wife:

I've learned after many years of marriage that the key to staying happy is compromise.  Honestly though, that is the hardest thing for me to do.  I have an unwavering sense purpose.  I always knew I was going to be a career woman, wife and mother.  Goals I set for myself.  I just didn't realize that once I go married that there was two people that would come into play with these goals.  If I don't want to do something, I just don't.  You can't make me.  This is what makes it so hard for me TO compromise.

The other key to a happy marriage is falling in love with your partner over and over again.  That, I have done.  I'm finding that no matter what comes up in our marriage that is difficult, I still like my husband and fall in love with him over and over again.  He is kind, caring and compassionate.  He never wants me to feel unloved or unworthy. 

Then why is it so hard to want to please him?  At times I feel like I can't do anything right when it comes to our sex life.  Other times I feel like a goddess.  He has mood swings when it comes to his kink(s) and I never know which lover I am going to get.  Don't get me wrong...he is always kinky.  But sometimes it takes a lot of fantasy, dirty talking and even porn to get him to where I think he is satisfied.  I know that if I compromised and did the real thing it would make him happy.  But is it okay to do something for him that I am not comfortable with?

This is what we are trying to figure out now.  What can I do that will still make me, well, ME?  Is there any kind of play that I am okay with? 

The answer to that question is kind of blurry to say the least.

We've had three experiences with play.  All soft, mind you, but it was enough to satisfy him at the times we participated.  The problem is that leading up to our experiences I stressed unbelievably before hand. 

Our first experience was just like sticking your toe in the water but for me it was like I jumped into the deep part of a 30 degree lake.  I simply think too much.  Worry to much.  I know this about myself but I can't help but DWELL the whole time leading up to it.

All my husband wanted was for me to go to a strip club with him.  Sounds simple, right?  Well, you know what was going on in my head?  I wondered what was I suppose to do while I was there?  Would I be asked to do something?  Would he want something more afterwards?  Would I be looked at funny?  My husband simply said "Stop worrying and just enjoy yourself!"  I was pissed at him the whole way there.  He bought a small bottle of Patron and I'm not kidding...I drank every drop of it.  STRAIGHT UP.  I felt fine the whole time and kept making trips to the ladies room and after a couple of trips started talking to a couple of strippers.  The ones I talked to were sweet girls and I realized that this wasn't so bad.  Well, towards the end of the night I was getting ready to go.  My husband was getting antsy wanting something "more" to happen.  He finally decided that I should have a private lap dance in the back room.  By the time I got back there I realized I was pissed ass drunk!  I remember most of it and honestly it was kind of fun.  I remember watching the bouncer watch us and how excited my husband was.  She was fascinated  with my boobs and that made me giggle.  (remember I was 3 sheets to the wind and I ALWAYS giggle when I'm drunk.)  She made these weird purring noises against my boobs and was feeling up my legs and she asked if she could kiss my tits.  I said "Sure, why not?"  It felt so different having a woman's mouth on my body instead of a man's.  So much softer and rather tender.  By the end of the dance she wanted to kiss me and I let her do that as well.  I was so toasted it kind of felt like I was floating above my body but honestly, I rather enjoyed the experience at the time.

My husband and I talked the whole way home and had HOT sex when we got there.  I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't believe what happened.  I honestly don't remember everything but my husband filled in the blanks for me.

All in all, the first experience was not horrible.  I had fun at the time.  This is the problem though.  I have the hardest time thinking about doing it again.

Compromise.

I have to keep remembering how important it is and get the stick out of my ass and remember that he isn't asking me to fuck everyone I meet.  I have the right to say yes or no. 

But I always wonder if I say no, what would happen?

And, that is the hardest part for me.

first sexual pictures

As you can tell from my wife's last post she was pretty upset when I told her.  Now overtime we did learn to communicate better, both of us. We will get into that later, in the meantime I figured you would all like to she some pictures she let me take of her.  These were taken months after I told her about my kinks, at the time she would not let me share them but she has changed so much since then...enjoy!

Is This a Test?

From the Wife:

What was my reaction when my husband told me he wanted me to fuck another man?  Is he joking? He was always so jealous when we were dating.  Now he wants me to fuck someone else?  This had to be him testing me.  Our relationship was like a yo yo.  Up, down, up, down.  At least when it came to sex.  Every other aspect of our relationship was solid.  Best of friends.  He always made me laugh.  But this felt like a test to me.  Was he trying to see how I really felt about him?

But what if he was serious?  I cried for hours wondering what to do.  Why couldn't I be enough for him?  Is he not attracted to me anymore?  Has he fallen out of love with me?  Did he want someone else?

I felt so much anger towards him.  This isn't what I had envisioned our marriage to be.  I wanted him to want to kick someones ass for looking at me not saying "hey honey, does he turn you on?"

Needless to say, sex was not in our future for awhile.  I cut him off.  I made him feel guilty and dirty.  Like he was the worst husband in the world for wanting this to happen to us...to me.  To our family.  He had to wait to tell me AFTER we had our first child.  Was this on purpose so I wouldn't leave him?  These are all the questions that were running through my mind.

As much as I wanted to make this all my husbands fault, I realize there were a ton of factors to why he was having these feelings and why I was so angry for him having these fantasies.  I wasn't being fair to him but I felt betrayed.  Not only had he known these fantasies before we were together, he still married me in hopes that either he could change or I could.

I didn't leave him but it took me a very long time to just actually LISTEN to him and stop judging him.  I knew that I wasn't perfect.  I liked sex.  I loved sex.  I am not a very imaginative person though.  He wanted to know my fantasy's and I honestly didn't ever sit down and think of what they could be.  I read romance novels about Alpha males kicking anyone's ass who put the heroin in danger or wanting her.  In my romance novels there was NO mention about a threesome.  Good thing I learned there was something called "erotica" so I could actually see that there was much more of a following on this fantasy then just my husband.

Repressing the Fantasy

From the Husband,

In my wife’s last post she mentioned how she was a good girl, which was true.  When I first met her I thought she was a slut but really she was just partying a little in college.  After I found out she was a still virgin something in inside me snapped and I got even more conservative.  I think it was all the social programing from my family and the church.  I started seeing her differently, as this pure virgin that needed to be protected from an evil sinful world.  During our early years together I was very possessive and jealous.

However my kinks never went away, in the back on my mind I still wanted that little slut I thought she was.  I wanted to explore sex, taboo and kink but I wanted her to explore these things with me.  I know most guys would just cheat on their wives and fulfill their kinks in other ways but that didn’t sound fun to me.  I wanted, actually needed, her to be part of the exploration to feel any fulfillment.

I knew before we got married what we wanted but I didn’t know how to tell her.  I tried joking about it but she didn’t take me seriously.  I thought about setting down with her and having a serious discussion but at the time we had some many other people interfering in our relationship that I never had the chance. If I could have do everything over i wouldn’t have let those people take so much of our private time away from us.

So I repressed my thoughts for years, well for the most part.  I did start buying my wife large dildos and toys to satisfy some of my desires. I was amazed by the size of the toys that could fit inside her. Watching her ride a 10 inch dildo balls deep turned me on and still does turn me on more than I can explain.

Still she held on to some of those good girl traits even behind close doors with just the two of us. She was always careful about how much she explored and experimented. So I felt trapped, depressed and angry. I wanted to take her to strip clubs, sex clubs and parties so bad but I knew she would never agree. After awhile I started using phone sex services to talk about my kinks and it helped for a little while. I then started watching a lot of porn, it also helped for a little while but both of these things never really quenched my desires. For a moment I tried repressing my desires again. I got rid of my porn and started going to church. Part of me felt good being “normal” but another part of me felt so numb. I couldn’t get those thoughts out of my head and then I realized I didn’t want to. I was just trying to repress them because of other people, not for myself.

Once again I knew what I wanted but still didn’t have the balls or heart to discuss it with my wife. I then started visiting strip clubs with friends and alone. At first it was fun, hanging out with friends and meeting pretty girls. I often tipped the pretty blonde girls because in my mind I was thinking about my wife being the pretty blonde girl on stage in front of everyone. Then I noticed something, my fantasy was becoming less about my wife. I was slowly replacing her from the fantasy. I knew she was too much of a “good” girl to do the things I wanted so I started becoming more attracted to the girls in the club. After becoming a semi-regular I knew I had to do something when one of the strippers asked me if I was interested in seeing her outside of the club on a more personal level. I knew I had to stop visiting the clubs and have a serious talk with my wife.

The Good Girl

The wife:

All my life I’ve been a good girl. No, seriously…I really was a good girl. In my first post I alluded to the fact that I didn’t experiment in High School. The fact was, I was living a version of myself that people expected from me and in turn, I expected from myself.

My older sister is what my family labeled as a “slut.” She slept with every guy she dated. No, seriously. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. She got pregnant in High School twice and had an abortion TWICE. I knew what my family thought of her. Remember, SLUT?! So, of course, I made my path completely opposite of my sister.

I was a “good girl.” I didn’t date. I didn’t smoke. I didn’t party. Simply, I didn’t live. Not saying that being bad is living. But I realize now as a 30 something adult, that I didn’t experience the things that normal teenagers experience. I didn’t come out of my shell until college, and even then, I held back.

I’m not saying that I’m into the “kink” that my husband is. My holding back isn’t about just sex. It is about living life to the fullest in general. Worrying about making everyone happy and not worrying enough about my happiness.

Not only did my family expect me to be a good girl. I expected it from myself. My mom and dad didn’t make me not date. They didn’t make me not party. I made those decisions on my own. I simply didn’t want to be like my sister. 18, single, pregnancy number three and then a mom. I just didn’t want that for myself.

So, meeting my husband to be, falling in love, threw me for a loop. I was experiencing all these feelings that I repressed or simply just didn’t “live” before. I know I was sheltered but part of that was my own fault. My family didn’t deny me my right to live. In fact, they encouraged me to be the person I wanted to be. All the sheltering was on me…ALONE. I expected a lot from myself. I wanted a career. To be an individual. Not be married with kids by the time I was 25, like many friends and family.

So when my husband and I got hot and heavy…I just knew this was going to be forever. I gave him my virginity, so we were going to be each others one and only’s. That’s a lot of pressure for two people under the age of 21. Were we really in love? We’re the feelings just lust?

We were together for a few years before we got married but we still got married really young. Our sex life, I thought, was fantastic, even after the marriage. But then two years after we were married the husband started pulling away. Of course I automatically think “what’s wrong with me? Is he not attracted to me anymore?”

The truth is at the time, I had no idea what was wrong with us. We turned into roommates. ONE YEAR later he finally came out and told me what was bothering him. ONE FRICKING YEAR!!! Of course I know now that he wanted me to figure it out on my own. But I’m more like a dude in this regard…you need to spell it out for me! He was resentful that we had a family member living with us and the time and effort I spent with them to make them happy. He was right. I worried about my family members happiness more than my husband and our marriage. When he told me what was finally bothering him I immediately asked the family member to move into their own place. But there was more to his feelings then what he admitted…

Things were much better. For awhile.

9 months after we had our first child my husband dropped the bomb on me that he had “kinks.” I immediately thought “how could you do this to us? We have a family and now we’re over?!!” I didn’t even consider we could get through this at first. Him wanting to share me with another person. No freaking way! How could someone who claims he loves me want to share me. Nothing he could say could make me think this was okay. So of course I made him feel guilty and told him I wasn’t having sex with him until he could stop thinking that way.

Of course I know now you can’t stop your fantasies. In fact it can be dangerous to try to repress your feelings. But it took me a LONG time to understand this. Hopefully in the next few posts you can come to understand my feelings towards this and how we are still dealing with our differences and the compromises we have come up with SO FAR.

My First

From the wife:

I feel my view of sex NOW is fairly healthy but I’ve learned that it’s as evolving as a rotating door. I grew up in as normal environment as most middle class people. I had a loving married mom and dad and three siblings. My two older siblings are my half brother and sister so they had a little different upbringing then my younger sister and I did. My older sister and brother were very wild and I chose not to be that way. My dad was kind of strict but not unfair. I didn’t really have a curfew and I had a great set of friends that my parents trusted and they also trusted me.

I never dated in high school. Not one date. It wasn’t because I wasn’t allowed to date but boys just looked at me as friend material and looking back I realize I was just a “goody goody.” I was worried about what people thought of me and I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. My self esteem was low because I’ve always been overweight and I just wasn’t interested in the boys that were interested in me.

Then I moved away from home to go to college. I learned to be much more of a free spirit. Where in high school I didn’t party and boys were not interested in me, college was much different. People were interested in me because I was from somewhere far away that no one had ever been to and always wanted to go. I felt unique and special in a good way for the first time with my peers then the same town I grew up my first 18 years in. I came out of my shell and literally had a few drinks and relaxed a little, not worrying in disappointing anyone because I was on my own.

I didn’t have my first kiss until I was nineteen. Nineteen was a busy year for me. My first kiss, my first real boyfriend, my first breakup my second boyfriend and my first sexual experience.

My husband was not my first boyfriend but he was my first real relationship. He made me feel beautiful, comfortable and smart. There isn’t any guess why he was my first. He was handsome and funny and just so smart.

He and I had fun growing our relationship with one another with few hardships along the way in the beginning. I didn’t realize he had these secret kinks. Lets just say when I found out…I was a bit…shocked and concerned. I will write a post about that next time.

When I First Met Her

From Hubby,
When I first met the wonderful woman who is now my wife I was going through a stage in my life.  I was trying to deny the things that I like and be this person who I felt like everyone else wanted me to be.  I read the bible, I wasn’t watching any porn and made new friends.  I tried to be the all American boy so I regressed any type of kink inside me.

I met my wife at college.  It was her first time away from home and she was experimenting like most college students do.  She drank, liked to party with friends and even smoked a little weed.  At the time I thought she was sleeping around so I guess that’s part of the reason I was attracted to her.  I didn’t know at the time she was a virgin. After we started dating things were good but I found myself becoming controlling.  I made her feel guilty about smoking pot and partying. In many ways she converted back to that innocent girl before college and even became more conservative than she was before.

On the outside things were fine but secretly sometimes I would think about her being this wild party girl sleeping with other people.  As the years went on I started to think about it more often.  I got the most intense hard-ons when I thought about her being this innocent angel in public but a dirty little devil slut in the bedroom.  I tried not to think about it but I started having a hard time getting hard when I didn’t.  Don’t get me wrong I loved her just as much as the day I married her but I need that kink to get me sexually excited, actually I needed her to be part of the kink as well. For years I tried going to strip club to satify those desire but I found myself wishing that the girl on stage was my wife exposing herself to everyone.

Hubby, PS the next post will be written by my beautiful wifey

I've Always Loved Kink

From hubby,
Where should I start? I guess I should start from the beginning. I think I’ve always loved kink or I guess I should say the taboo. Even my first wet dream was outside the norm. I remember having this dream about my 5th grade teacher. In reality I was the teacher’s pet to this hot dark skin mature black woman but in my dreams she was teaching my a lot more about life than what was in the school’s text books. Everything about this fantasy was taboo, a young white boy in the south dreaming being fucked by his 5th grade black school teacher.

A couple of years later I remember watching my first porn video, one that I stole from a family member. 6 hours of porn, dirty xxx rated porn, out of the 6 hours one scene stays with me even today. It was a scene of two white males both having sex with a beautiful black woman. She was hot, red coloring in her hair, nice tits and ass with a beautiful face. It was so exotic, especially the part where one of the men entered her vaginal while the other fucked her asshole. It was the first time I had ever seen anything like that and I was more aroused than I had ever been before. Before that I didn’t even know about anal sex but then I discovered not only anal but also dp. Another porn scene that has stayed with me over the years is one of a BDSM scene where a female dom ties a man up to a bed and rides him. I think these two scenes made me cum without me even having to touch myself.

A couple of years after that I had a crush on a girl at school. It took me awhile to work up the nerve to talk to her. After I did she and I began to build a friendship, she even started calling me her boyfriend. While we were together I’m sure I could have had sex with her but I didn’t. I didn’t because I was scared. I knew she was sexually active and I was still a virgin. So after a while I discovered that she was cheating on me. At first I was broken-hearted but after a while I started to grow aroused. I found myself thinking about her getting fuck by different guys. Thinking about the sight, sounds and touching between them. I visualized her having sex with other guys and it made me cum, it made me cum really hard.

My Fantasy

Let me start of by saying I love my wife, I love her with all my heart. We are best friends, lovers and partners. I wouldn’t have it any other way. With that being said, I’m sure some of you are aware of my fetish. It seems to have become a fairly popular one as sites related to it are easily found on the Internet. My fantasy, or fetish, is to share my wife sexually with another person. I’m sure some of you are asking yourself, “how could he love her if he wants to share her?” I understand the confusion as it often confuses me as well. I love my wife dearly but regardless I get extremely turned on thinking about another man or woman having passionate sex with her. Crazy right?

Even more crazy is this isn’t just a typical cuckold fantasy. This is actually just one of several fantasies. I’m attracted to the taboo, I love kink. So for me wife sharing isn’t as much as just having my wife sleep with someone else, it’s more about her experiencing a sexual awakening so that we can explore our sexuality together.

So after much discussion with my wife we decided to create this blog to let you into our world. Together we plan to give you our thoughts and feelings on the subject, perhaps this will helps us as well.