Is This a Test?

From the Wife:

What was my reaction when my husband told me he wanted me to fuck another man?  Is he joking? He was always so jealous when we were dating.  Now he wants me to fuck someone else?  This had to be him testing me.  Our relationship was like a yo yo.  Up, down, up, down.  At least when it came to sex.  Every other aspect of our relationship was solid.  Best of friends.  He always made me laugh.  But this felt like a test to me.  Was he trying to see how I really felt about him?

But what if he was serious?  I cried for hours wondering what to do.  Why couldn't I be enough for him?  Is he not attracted to me anymore?  Has he fallen out of love with me?  Did he want someone else?

I felt so much anger towards him.  This isn't what I had envisioned our marriage to be.  I wanted him to want to kick someones ass for looking at me not saying "hey honey, does he turn you on?"

Needless to say, sex was not in our future for awhile.  I cut him off.  I made him feel guilty and dirty.  Like he was the worst husband in the world for wanting this to happen to us...to me.  To our family.  He had to wait to tell me AFTER we had our first child.  Was this on purpose so I wouldn't leave him?  These are all the questions that were running through my mind.

As much as I wanted to make this all my husbands fault, I realize there were a ton of factors to why he was having these feelings and why I was so angry for him having these fantasies.  I wasn't being fair to him but I felt betrayed.  Not only had he known these fantasies before we were together, he still married me in hopes that either he could change or I could.

I didn't leave him but it took me a very long time to just actually LISTEN to him and stop judging him.  I knew that I wasn't perfect.  I liked sex.  I loved sex.  I am not a very imaginative person though.  He wanted to know my fantasy's and I honestly didn't ever sit down and think of what they could be.  I read romance novels about Alpha males kicking anyone's ass who put the heroin in danger or wanting her.  In my romance novels there was NO mention about a threesome.  Good thing I learned there was something called "erotica" so I could actually see that there was much more of a following on this fantasy then just my husband.