Compromise

The Wife:

I've learned after many years of marriage that the key to staying happy is compromise.  Honestly though, that is the hardest thing for me to do.  I have an unwavering sense purpose.  I always knew I was going to be a career woman, wife and mother.  Goals I set for myself.  I just didn't realize that once I go married that there was two people that would come into play with these goals.  If I don't want to do something, I just don't.  You can't make me.  This is what makes it so hard for me TO compromise.

The other key to a happy marriage is falling in love with your partner over and over again.  That, I have done.  I'm finding that no matter what comes up in our marriage that is difficult, I still like my husband and fall in love with him over and over again.  He is kind, caring and compassionate.  He never wants me to feel unloved or unworthy. 

Then why is it so hard to want to please him?  At times I feel like I can't do anything right when it comes to our sex life.  Other times I feel like a goddess.  He has mood swings when it comes to his kink(s) and I never know which lover I am going to get.  Don't get me wrong...he is always kinky.  But sometimes it takes a lot of fantasy, dirty talking and even porn to get him to where I think he is satisfied.  I know that if I compromised and did the real thing it would make him happy.  But is it okay to do something for him that I am not comfortable with?

This is what we are trying to figure out now.  What can I do that will still make me, well, ME?  Is there any kind of play that I am okay with? 

The answer to that question is kind of blurry to say the least.

We've had three experiences with play.  All soft, mind you, but it was enough to satisfy him at the times we participated.  The problem is that leading up to our experiences I stressed unbelievably before hand. 

Our first experience was just like sticking your toe in the water but for me it was like I jumped into the deep part of a 30 degree lake.  I simply think too much.  Worry to much.  I know this about myself but I can't help but DWELL the whole time leading up to it.

All my husband wanted was for me to go to a strip club with him.  Sounds simple, right?  Well, you know what was going on in my head?  I wondered what was I suppose to do while I was there?  Would I be asked to do something?  Would he want something more afterwards?  Would I be looked at funny?  My husband simply said "Stop worrying and just enjoy yourself!"  I was pissed at him the whole way there.  He bought a small bottle of Patron and I'm not kidding...I drank every drop of it.  STRAIGHT UP.  I felt fine the whole time and kept making trips to the ladies room and after a couple of trips started talking to a couple of strippers.  The ones I talked to were sweet girls and I realized that this wasn't so bad.  Well, towards the end of the night I was getting ready to go.  My husband was getting antsy wanting something "more" to happen.  He finally decided that I should have a private lap dance in the back room.  By the time I got back there I realized I was pissed ass drunk!  I remember most of it and honestly it was kind of fun.  I remember watching the bouncer watch us and how excited my husband was.  She was fascinated  with my boobs and that made me giggle.  (remember I was 3 sheets to the wind and I ALWAYS giggle when I'm drunk.)  She made these weird purring noises against my boobs and was feeling up my legs and she asked if she could kiss my tits.  I said "Sure, why not?"  It felt so different having a woman's mouth on my body instead of a man's.  So much softer and rather tender.  By the end of the dance she wanted to kiss me and I let her do that as well.  I was so toasted it kind of felt like I was floating above my body but honestly, I rather enjoyed the experience at the time.

My husband and I talked the whole way home and had HOT sex when we got there.  I couldn't stop laughing and couldn't believe what happened.  I honestly don't remember everything but my husband filled in the blanks for me.

All in all, the first experience was not horrible.  I had fun at the time.  This is the problem though.  I have the hardest time thinking about doing it again.

Compromise.

I have to keep remembering how important it is and get the stick out of my ass and remember that he isn't asking me to fuck everyone I meet.  I have the right to say yes or no. 

But I always wonder if I say no, what would happen?

And, that is the hardest part for me.